Rules to surviving Cybertronians, NEST, the Weapons and Faelan
by Wolfenden
Summary: And yes she gets her own warning. Any girl who created the Weapons, can Spark new Cybertronians and is a trigger happy, blade wielding pyromaniac deserves her own S.W.A.T. response team, never mind a warning. Yes I joined the rules fic bandwagon, buts its so much fun to do!
1. Rules 1-10

**Yeah I know everyone seems to do a rules fic but I really could not resist!**

**They're not really in chronological order, mostly, but if you guys have any ideas for any rules to add please tell me, I'm not gonna update this regularly since I'm more concerned with writting Soul in a Spark but I just thought this would be a fun little thing for when I have the inspiration.**

**So yeah tell me if you guys think up any rules to add.**

**By the way the bits in brackets are usually comments from Lennox and Epps, occasionally Faelan but since she's invovled in about half the rules... *shrugs*.**

**Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

**Rules to surviving Cybertronians, N.E.S.T., the Weapons and Faelan.**

**(And yes she gets her own warning. Any girl who created the Weapons, can Spark new Cybertronians and is a trigger happy, blade wielding pyromaniac deserves her own S.W.A.T. response team, never mind a warning.)**

* * *

**1) Whenever Jazz and Faelan start cackling together run for the fucking hills!**

_Everyone froze as the sound of cackling came over the intercom, Epps and Lennox exchanged uneasy glances while the Autobots fidgeted for a moment._

_"You know, I need to go on patrol," mumbled Optimus hurriedly transforming into his alt-mode._

_"I'll go with you," insisted Ratchet. "Need to be more active and get out of the med-bay for a bit."_

_Ironhide shot them betrayed looks as they both peeled out of the hanger at high speed, he glanced down when he saw movement on the floor and scooped up the two humans before they could make a run for it._

_"Oh no you don't, if I have to deal with them so do you," he growled._

_"Come on man! Don't make us deal with those two!" cried Epps, Will just sighed in resignation._

_Meanwhile in the security room Jazz and Faelan were watching the cameras with amusement._

_"I really don't know what that says about our reputation," mused Faelan watching Epps trying to escape Ironhide so he could run away._

_"It says we are amazing," said Jazz cackling again. "Don't even need to do anything to scare anyone."_

_Behind them Barricade shuddered and went back to fiddling with a data file to try and ignore them, these two were terrifying because they didn't even need to try to scare others. He was very glad he'd switched to the Autobots now, although he was sort of looking forward to seeing what they'd do to Decepticons on the battlefield._

* * *

**2) The Weapons are violent and overprotective so don't piss off/hit on/hurt/insult Faelan in front of them.**

_"I don't see why a kid is so high up the command chain," grumbled one of the new recruits. "It's not right her being able to order us around." He didn't notice the soldiers around him go silent as Sirius and Lupus came up behind him glaring. "I mean-"_

_"I'd think very carefully before finishing that sentence."_

_He froze and turned slowly, the feral twins had both pulled out their gauntlets and were flexing their hands menacingly._

_He gulped nervously. "Well I'm not wrong-"_

_The other soldiers all scattered as the twins growled and pounced on the man. The next five minutes were filled with screaming until Ratchet came to see what all the noise was about and ordered them to bring the fool to the med-bay. _

_"What did he say?"_

_"He insulted Our Lady."_

_"Ah… I'll tell Ironhide in time for training."_

* * *

**3) Never mind the Weapons, don't flirt with Faelan full stop. Just don't. It isn't worth the pain.**

_Faelan twitched and continued glaring at one of the new tech guys who had decided to hit on her, she was seriously going to hit him soon if he didn't shut up._

_"So did it hurt when you fell from heaven?"_

_Good grief._

_"Do you have a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes."_

_Unfortunately her glaring didn't seem to be discouraging him._

_"Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants."_

_Ok that's it._

_When Optimus lectured her later about not attacking fellow N.E.S.T. members and putting them in the med-bay for two weeks she sat there in silence until he asked what exactly the man had done._

_She grimaced. "He wouldn't take a hint. Those were worse pick up lines than Sam's, and I didn't think that was possible."_

_"He was trying to… court you?" asked Optimus unsure._

_She scowled, "I think it was more along the lines of wanting to fuck me but yeah kinda." She raised an eyebrow at him. "Be glad he only did it when I was alone, Jazz would have castrated him."_

_Prime winced, yes his lieutenant would have done a lot worse than breaking his nose and both arms._

* * *

**4) Don't piss off Ratchet. He's the medic and knows exactly how to dismantle you. Humans are not excluded.**

_Everyone froze as a roar of rage came from the direction of the med-bay._

_"SIDESWIPE!"_

_Faelan blinked and looked up at Jazz who was smirking smugly._

_"Told you we wouldn't get blamed."_

_She snickered and turned to look as Sideswipe came haring into the hanger with a look of sheer panic on his face._

_"Hide me!"_

_Ironhide snorted and moved back to lean against the wall. "No way, if you pissed off the Hatchet then you deserve whatever is coming."_

_"I didn't do anything!"_

_"And exactly who else would glue all my data pads to the desk?" growled Ratchet stomping into the hanger looking furious._

_Seeing everyone turn to look at him Sideswipe whimpered. "Ok so maybe I've done that it the past but it wasn't me!"_

_Jazz sniggered and carefully crept out of the room carrying Faelan in one servo still listening to Sideswipe protest his innocence._

_"And that's why you don't piss off Ratchet," Jazz said. "Not unless you're sure you can blame someone else."_

_They paused frowning as there was abrupt silence from the hanger for a few seconds before…_

_"JAZZ! FAELAN! GET BACK HERE!"_

_"You said he wouldn't blame us!"_

_They glanced back and saw Ratchet speeding towards them in alt-mode with all sirens blaring. Jazz cursed and transformed around her so she landed in the front seat._

_"Shut up and let me drive! I don't want to be dismantled!"_

* * *

**5) Don't get injured doing something stupid. Ratchet doesn't treat stupidity. Not without tying you down and lecturing you for four hours any way.**

_Ratchet stared in disbelief at Sam who had reluctantly come to the med-bay when he couldn't fix it himself and people kept laughing at him._

_"Why the pit did you put a light bulb in your mouth?"_

_"Fhhlnn tddd mhhh buuu dsss fnnn shhh rdddd ohnnlnn."_

_"…What?"_

_Sam sighed and pulled out a note book and pen scribbling out his message._

_'Faelan told me about this thing she read online. It was about how you can fit a light bulb in your mouth but can't get it out. I wanted to see if it was true.' _

_Ratchet stared for a few moments more before pinching his nasal ridge, he didn't get paid enough for this… actually he didn't get paid at all._

_He scowled and strapped Sam down to the chair and started his lecture on idiotic ideas, especially ones that came from Fae, really he should know better!_

_Sam whimpered and tried to sink into the chair, he couldn't leave anyway because he needed Ratchet to remove the light bulb, his jaw was really starting to ache._

* * *

**6) Don't make a big deal about Barricade and Blackout being Decepticons.**

**a) They still half behave like Cons and have no qualms about threatening you.**

_"I'm just saying," complained one of the newbies. "They were Decepticons! How do we know they're really on our side?"_

_"You don't." The soldiers jumped and spun around to see Barricade and Blackout standing behind them and smirking._

_"W-well-"_

_"Listen fleshy," growled Blackout leaning close. "If you don't stop making a fuss about us being ex-Cons then we will show you why we were accepted as Cons in the first place."_

_"I'd like to use you as a stress ball," mused Barricade absently. Blackout shot him a disgusted look._

_"Seriously? Don't do that 'Cade, the blood gets everywhere and it takes forever to clean the bits of bone out of the gears."_

_THUD. They both glanced down to see the newbie passed out on the floor._

_"What did Splitskull suggest that one time?"_

_"What, locking them in a trunk so they think we've eaten them?"_

_"Yeah! Let's do that!" _

**b) Faelan and Jazz will take exception to it and prank the hell out of you.**

_Everyone on base was woken up the sound of high pitched screaming._

_Ratchet grumbled and made his way to the main hanger to see who was making that racket, and probably to throw a wrench at them to get them to shut up. What he found was Jazz and Faelan looking very smug, he groaned, what the pit had they done now?_

_"Alright, what did you do?"_

_"Just taught Sideswipe a little lesson," replied Faelan._

_Ratchet sighed, "What did _he_ do?"_

_They were saved from answering by Ironhide entering the hanger looking very amused. "Why is Sideswipe hanging from the ceiling by his pede covered in honey and feathers?"_

_Even Ratchet couldn't help the burst of laughter that escaped, well it was nice to see Sideswipe finally being the one pranked for once._

_Jazz gave them a sharp smile. "He was taunting Barricade for being a Con again."_

_"Ah."_

* * *

**7) The two Cons are very grateful to Faelan for giving them a second chance and therefore very protective, do not say anything bad about her in front of them.**

(If you do this in front of the Weapons and Jazz, Barricade and Blackout then you might as well throw yourself off a cliff because you are truly a lemming.) - Will.

(Yeah that did not end well.) - Epps.

(Those recruits wouldn't come near any of the Weapons or the ex-Con for weeks!) - Will.

(Then they got paranoid because Jazz kept pretending to nearly step on them.) - Epps.

(They should have really known better though.) - Will.

(*sigh* Well that's why we're making the rules, then everyone will know and we can avoid recruits spending weeks in the med-bay.) - Epps.

* * *

**8) Do not upset the Sparklings, the Cybertronians will make training hell and Faelan is their adoptive carrier, she has the ferocity of a mother bear.**

(This was actually terrifying.) - Epps.

(I don't know what they said but the next second Faelan was chasing them and Ironhide told me he came across her slapping him repeatedly a bit later.) - Will.

(And he didn't do anything?) - Epps.

(He said anyone who was stupid enough to upset the Sparklings where others could see had it coming to them.) - Will.

(Is he allowed to do that?) - Epps.

(Dunno but he sure as hell made training hell for that guy. Barricade and Blackout took great glee in targeting him in the mock battle.) - Will.

(*shudder* Scary.) - Epps.

* * *

**9) Faelan, Bullseye, Blaze, Blast and Splitskull are not allowed near the fireworks on July 4th. The resulting explosion was very pretty but the damage to N.E.S.T's budget was not.**

_Will and Optimus were giving the five perpetrators very stern looks._

_"Why did you even feel the need to enhance the fireworks?"_

_They exchanged sheepish looks. "Well… we were trying to do that really big one at the end of Bilbo's party in Lord of the Rings."_

_"I think you went overboard. There is a twenty feet crater in the middle of the air strip."_

_"Yeah we won't use as much glycerine next time."_

_"…"_

_"…"_

_"Please give the ones left to the bomb squad to dispose of."_

* * *

**10) Bubble wrap is banned.**

_Faelan snickered as Bumblebee joined her. "Did you do it?"_

_"-__**Sure did- Now what?-**__" asked Bee looking curious._

_"Now we wait and see who we catch," she said peering round the corner, Bee crouched down so his head was slightly above her and inched round also._

_Faelan quickly whipped her head back and stuffed her fist into her mouth to stop her giggles. Ironhide was walking this way! Oh god this way going to be hilarious._

_Bumblebee looked down at her questioningly but she just waved a hand at him to keep watching._

_Suddenly there was a loud bang and they both stuck their heads out to see Ironhide with his cannons out looking around warily, then he took a step and another bang went off. The next five minutes had Ironhide jumping and rolling everywhere in a panic trying to figure out where, what sounded to him like gunshot, was coming from. The two perpetrators were in fits of laughter around the corner._

_Bubble wrap was awesome!_

* * *

**So what did you guys think?  
**

**Hope you enjoyed I really enjoyed writing some of those rules, especially the fireworks one. **

**Wait until Wheeljack gets involved.**


	2. Rules 11-20

**Yay the next set of rules, I am having fun with this, please if anyone has any ideas they want to see feel free to let me know. **

**Again the rules aren't in chronological order and I edited the last chapter just so you knew who was making what comment on the rules.**

**Enjoy and let me know what you think.**

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**11) Don't prank Ratchet. He's the medic, we need him functional at all times. Also see rule 4.**

(Did they not learn from last time? He tried to take Jazz to pieces when he finally caught them.) – Epps.

(Well apparently it's a standard rule the Autobots have because they have quite a few pranksters amongst their numbers. According to 'Hide its just there for the sake of being official though because the pranksters all ignore it anyway.) – Will.

(Well who else then, I know about Jazz, Faelan and Sideswipe…) – Epps.

(Sideswipe's twin Sunstreaker although he isn't here yet, Bumblebee is a bit, Skids and Mudflap, the rest are bots that aren't here yet.) – Will.

(But I've never seen them… damage Ratchet.)

(Ah, apparently Skids and Mudflap put clingfilm across the bottom of the medbay with glue once and it wrapped around Ratchet's legs making him crash to the floor and knock a few components loose as well as get the clingfilm all stuck in his leg mechanisms. He was furious when he woke up, Prime was pretty mad too and lectured them for hours.) – Will.

(Now that is one thing I don't want to see, a mad Optimus Prime would be one scary ass mother fucker.) – Epps.

(Yeah, 'Hide said they didn't pull anything for months after that and it scared the other pranksters into behaving for a while too.) – Will.

* * *

**12) Don't aggravate the female personnel during 'that time of the month' (especially Maggie, Mikaela and Faelan).**

_Maggie_

_Glen twitched nervously and inched his chair away from Maggie who was muttering angrily at the computer screen. She'd come storming in this morning in a very bad mood looking like she was going to bite the head off the first person to ask 'are you alright?' Glen was not going to volunteer._

_He tried not to groan as one of the newbie recruits came up to Maggie and began flirting shamelessly, she didn't tolerate such behaviour very well on a good day and with her current mood… he was beginning to wonder if he should literally duck and cover. He frowned as he realised the sound of tapping keys had stopped and risked a glance at Maggie. She'd closed her eyes and seemed to be taking deep, even breathes to keep calm, then she opened her eyes._

_Maggie abruptly stood up from her chair and spun around getting right in the newbie's face. "Look buster I will not tolerate such behaviour, especially not while I'm on duty and I'm not likely to accept it when I'm off duty either." She took a deep breath. "NOW PISS OFF AND LET ME DO MY WORK!"_

_There was dead silence as the man fled and Maggie took another deep breath before sitting back down looking a bit shaky. _

_Glen gulped before deciding that the health of his friend was more important. "Maggie?"_

_She sighed heavily "I'm sorry Glen, he was irritating, distracting me from my work and I'M ON MY BLOODY PERIOD."_

_He coloured slightly before hurriedly yanking a draw open and pulling out a bar of chocolate. "Here."_

_"...Thanks Glen, you're the best."_

_Mikaela_

_Will raised an eyebrow and crouched down to look under the table. "What are you doing?"_

_Blaze and Blast, who were both hiding under the table, jumped slightly and spun to look at him._

_"Oh… hi Will," muttered Blaze his eyes darting around the room cautiously._

_"Erm you haven't seen Mikaela have you?" asked Blast looking a bit scared._

_"… No… Why?"_

_They both shuddered. "We decided to prank her this morning, only we didn't realise…"_

_"She's on her period."_

_Will bit back a snort, oh boy._

_"She started throwing anything within reach at us."_

_"It hurt, then she chased us for a bit."_

_"So now we're hiding."_

_Will laughed softly, that really was bad luck. "Well I hope you learned something from this."_

_"Yeah."_

_"Females are scary."_

_Faelan_

_BANG! BANG! BANG!_

_Epps gulped nervously and backed away from Faelan's door, a very wise decision considering she'd just shot the door when he'd knocked on it to wake her up._

_He was calling back up._

_A few minutes later Jazz had arrived and looked amused, he didn't know why Epps had called but surely he wasn't that scared of Fae. Then he saw the bullet hole in the door._

_"Ah. What did you do?"_

_"Nothing! I was just waking her up for the day, she'd usually up by now."_

_Jazz stared at the door in contemplation trying to think if she'd ever displayed similar behaviour before, she didn't really get moody, trigger happy yes but not… oh._

_"She won't be leaving her room today."_

_Epps looked confused. "Why?"_

_"Period. You don't want to deal with her like this." Epps paled and pulled out his radio. "What are you doing?"_

_"Warning everyone, last thing we need is a pissy, trigger happy Faelan." _

* * *

**13) We know Faelan and some of the Weapons have a thing about rollerblades and can use them in practically any situation. But they are also crazy and not really human (Faelan is classed as supernatural) and can therefore pull off things we humans can't.**

_Will and Ironhide watched with amusement as a group of soldiers all strapped rollerblades on and went over to the assault course._

_"What are they doing?" asked Ironhide slightly bemused._

_Will snorted. "Apparently Faelan, Whistle and Shriek did the course in rollerblades yesterday. Got the highest scores and impressed everyone watching with their speed and accuracy, not to mention their flexibility at some points," he explained. "Now they want to try." _

_The two stared for a few moments more._

_"They do realise that those lot are insane and nowhere near normal in terms of ability right?" queried Ironhide as they watched a couple of the group work up the nerve and set off._

_"I think they tend to forget until they do something bizarre in front of them again," mused Will as the first soldier cursed tripping over a rope. "Selective forgetfulness."_

_There was a big pile up now as the soldiers were unused to the skates and unable to avoid those who had already fallen._

_"We need a set of stairs." The two jumped slightly as they hadn't realised Faelan had appeared to watch too._

_"… why stairs?" asked Ironhide wary of this being some human thing he was unaware of._

_"To see if they're related to slinkies."_

_ Will was snickering by this point and had turned away to hide his laughter._

_"Slinkies?"_

_"Well its funny watching them fall like this, but we need stairs for slinkies. Some people are like slinkies, basically useless but so amusing to watch fall down the stairs."_

_Ironhide burst out laughing. "I think I can add stairs to the course."_

* * *

**14) Don't get Faelan started on fanfiction and her fandoms, its mildly terrifying.**

_Jazz winced as Faelan squealed in joy looking at something on her laptop._

_"What's got you so giddy?" asked Epps looking over, because god everyone had heard that squeal._

_"One of my favourite stories has finally been updated!"_

_"Err, do you mean a book?" asked Fig looking confused._

_The look she gave him was so dead pan, as if she couldn't believe he had just said that. "No, one of the stories I read on fanfiction."_

_Will frowned. "I might regret this but… what is fanfiction?" he asked not seeing Jazz rapidly shaking his helm. Jazz sighed and turned off his audio receptors, he loved Faelan he really did, but he could not survive her obsession with fanfiction, it was bad for his sanity and he really needed that._

_Faelan gaped at them for a moment before realising that he was being completely serious and that by the looks on everyone else's faces they were just as clueless. She straightened up and quickly brought up the main page on her laptop before plugging it into the projector in the rec room._

_"Don't worry boys, allow me to educate you."_

_For some reason they all had an acute feeling of doom right now._

_Hours later once Faelan had shut down her laptop and left the room Jazz finally turned his audios back on. "Please don't bring up fanfiction again, there's only so much I can take."_

_Epps twitched and moaned. "God, I won't be able to think about some of those movies and books in the same way ever again."_

_Most of the other soldiers were looking a bit shell shocked and a few as twitchy as Epps._

_"Especially the male characters," muttered Will blushing slightly._

_Jazz nodded, "Yeah, she's obsessed with yaoi, don't bring up that either." _

_"We won't."_

_"Just be grateful she's concentrating on fictional characters and not trying to pair up people she knows."_

_Somebody whimpered._

* * *

**15) Do not mention yaoi near Faelan, she is a rabid fangirl, it will melt your brain.**

_Will tried not to fidget as Faelan stared at him, she had been staring for the last ten minutes and he was beginning to wonder whether she'd learned to sleep standing up with her eyes open._

_"It's such a shame." He startled slightly and refocused back on her confused._

_"Pardon?"_

_"It's a shame you're married… and human."_

_"I'm sure I'll regret this but… why?"_

_"Coz I really think Ironhide has the hots for you."_

_"…"_

_She beamed at him._

_"…" THUMP._

_"Ratchet! Will fainted, I think he's sick!"_

* * *

**16) Tinsel is banned.**

(This is so not fair.) – Epps.

(I know, Annie was really excited about being able to decorate such a huge space.) – Will.

(To be fair a couple of the guys just wanted to decorate for Christmas so they wouldn't be so bummed about being stuck on base.) – Epps.

(It would have been a great idea if Skids and Mudflap hadn't got involved.) – Will.

(Really they should have seen that one coming.) – Epps.

(I know, they got into a fight as usual and got tangled in all the tinsel. It took Ratchet hours to get it all out of their gears.) – Will.

(Couldn't he have just banned them from going near it instead of banning it from base?) – Epps.

(I think he's wary after the stunt Fae and Bee pulled with the bubble wrap, he didn't want to give them any more ideas.) – Will.

(Still sucks.) – Epps.

* * *

**17) Phoenix and Dragon are soul mates, this is a very special and profound bond, inappropriate comments will not be tolerated.**

_"So they're… gay?" asked one of the new recruits throwing a furtive glance at Phoenix and Dragon who were standing with some of the other Weapons across the hanger._

_Epps frowned. "I guess, they're soul mates so the fact that they're both guys doesn't really come up. They're like fated to be together and that's all there is to it."_

_"But they are both guys."_

_"Why does it matter?" asked Epps beginning to get annoyed. "Look, it's a very profound bond that we are incapable of understanding so I don't recommend hassling them about it."_

_"If you do I will refer you to Ironhide for extra training," said Faelan coming up behind them._

_"Err…"_

_"He will drive you to the ground and then hand you over to Phoenix and Dragon who will basically perform legal torture on you," she finished grinning ferally._

_The recruit gulped nervously and turned white. _

_"Those two love each other, they have died for each other, the fact that they are both male has no bearing on their relationship." She gave him a sharp smile. "So please keep your comments to yourself, they are unwanted."_

_Epps gave her a wink as the recruit whimpered and edged away from her as quickly as possible without looking like he was running from a teenage girl. _

* * *

**18) Don't tease Ironhide about Annabelle. Please.**

(This would have been funny if I didn't think 'Hide was seriously going to kill that guy.) – Will.

(Yeah I mean a bit of teasing is ok but he really should have known better, they've all done training with Ironhide so they know what he's like plus teasing him about _your_ daughter? Talk about suicidal.) – Epps.

(Oh he totally deserved it.) – Faelan.

(Well I know it's amusing how much of a pushover he is when it comes to Annie but 'Hide is practically made of guns and has a real short temper, it was obvious how it was going to end.) – Will.

(Well at least you know Annie is always going to be cared for if something happens to you.) – Faelan.

(True, I almost want a Decepticon to try kidnap her, they'd be absolutely obliterated.) – Epps.

(If you even suggest that _I _will shoot you, never mind what 'Hide will do.) – Will.

* * *

**19) Epps, I don't know what you said to the new recruits but don't make them think Faelan is useless in a fight.**

(Seriously dude what the hell did you say to them?) – Will.

(Nothing! I just said that she's the Autobots' ambassador and that they're very protective of her!) – Epps.

(Well somehow they translated that to 'she's a pencil pusher who knows nothing about fighting and should just stay behind a desk'.) – Will.

(Crap.) – Epps.

(Yeah.) – Will.

(So is that why there was a sudden influx of people being admitted to the infirmary?) – Epps.

(Oh yeah, Faelan does not take being called a useless pencil pusher very well.) – Will.

(… Damn. I'm surprised some of those guys can still walk then.) – Epps.

(Apparently Burke walked past and managed to pull her off the last lot.) – Will.

(Balls of steel man. Balls of steel.) - Epps.

* * *

**20) The sugar intake of both Faelan and Annabelle should be monitored closely. They're almost as terrifying as when Faelan is in a pyro mood.**

_Faelan cheered running up to Lennox as he got out of the car. "How's my baby girl?" she cooed whisking Annabelle out of Will's arms leaving him staring at them confused for a moment. _

_Annabelle giggled and wrapped her arms around Faelan's neck in a hug, Faelan was one of her favourite 'minders' mainly because she was so much fun and let her do things the others wouldn't, plus the Weapons were always willing to play with her._

_"Come on Annie," she said shifting her slightly to sit on her hip. "Let's go have some fun."_

_For some reason Will felt a severe sense of dread as he watched them walk away giggling._

_Will groaned two hours later as the alarms all went off and Barricade came careening into the hanger looking terrified._

_"Hide you glitches!" he yelled as he ran past. Everyone stared after him in confusion and turned back when Jazz barrelled through after him._

_"Jazz?" The saboteur looked as panicked as anyone had ever seen him. _

_"Fae and Annabelle are sugar high," he moaned looking back furtively. _

_Will paled, Annabelle was bad enough on her own and he wasn't sure he ever wanted to see Faelan like that given how she was normally. _

_"How bad is it?"_

_"Well let's just say they have markers, honey, glue and cotton wool."_

_An hour later they'd managed the confine the two hyper girls to one room and took stock of the damage. Skids and Mudflap were a bit traumatised and not likely to go near the two for weeks if their screaming when they were mentioned was anything to go by. Ratchet's med-bay had been turned upside down and all his wrenches glued to the nearest surface, while Sideswipe had been drawn all over and had a multitude of cotton wool balls stuck to him making him look like some deformed snowman._

_"They are never allowed that much sugar again."_

* * *

**MUWAHAHA oh i had writing some of those.**

**Hope you enjoyed, please review and let me know if you have ideas for rules!**


	3. Rules 21-30

**Oh my god its been way too long since I updated anything I feel really bad about it but unfortunately real life has got in the way and I just haven't had the time nor inclination.  
**

**Fortunately my inspiration for my Transformer stuff seems to have picked up again so here's the new set of rules, hope you enjoy.**

**And remember if anyone has any suggests feel free to let me know I only need about 12 more to reach 100!**

* * *

**21) Don't hang air fresheners in the Autobots' alt-modes.**

(Apparently their nasal receptors are quite sensitive and air fresheners reek to them.) – Will.

(That explains why Ratchet got pissy and dumped that recruit out when he realised where the smell was coming from.) – Epps.

(Yeah, better than what Sideswipe did when someone put one in him though.) – Will.

(Oh?) – Epps.

(Dumped him out, tied him down and stuffed a load of old socks in his mouth.) – Will.

(Eww!) – Epps.

(I know, the Weapons have started taking bets on what the next culprit will be punished with.) – Will.

(… What are the options?) – Epps.

(Epps!) – Will.

* * *

**22) Don't practice stealth tactics after a horror movie night, it really doesn't end well.**

_Faelan was currently whimpering and burying her face into Will's shoulder so she couldn't see the screen. Why the hell had she agreed to watch this movie?!_

_It was Friday which meant movie night, they all tried to get together in the rec. room to relax from the stresses of N.E.S.T. at least once a week, and tonight it was Epps' turn to pick the movie, he'd chosen Saw. Which had led to Faelan currently cowering on the sofa, sandwiched in between Will and Jazz's holoform. She flinched at the bloodcurdling scream of the latest victim and shot a small smirk at Epps before grimacing as creepy music started playing, by the look on Epps' face she wasn't the only one wishing they weren't watching this movie._

_The rest of the soldiers were alternating between flinching and making disgusted faces at the screen whereas the Autobots were a mix, most of them looked horrified and questioning humanity for ever making movies like this. Ratchet looked disturbingly fascinated by what was being done to each victim and that made her really worried about the next mandatory health check, Ironhide actually looked a bit bored and appeared to be discussing the methods used with Barricade, Blackout, Splitskull and Cutthroat. Dragon and Phoenix were completely ignoring the movie and actually making out on their couch, she didn't want to know how they could be in that kind of mood with all the screams in the background. The only other Weapons there were Whistle and Shriek and they seemed to be getting more amusement out of watching everyone else's reactions compared to watching the movie._

_Half an hour later the movie had finally ended and everyone sat there in tense silence for a few minutes before Will spoke._

_"Epps isn't allowed to pick on movie night ever again."_

_There was unanimous agreement before people started fidgeting and looking nervously at the door._

_Cutthroat rolled his eyes. "Pansies. Are you really afraid to go to sleep after watching that?"_

_There was a bit of nervous laughter with everyone avoiding each other's eyes but the gist of it was… yeah they really were._

_Eventually they worked up the courage to leave for the barracks in large groups until Faelan, Will, Epps, Jazz, Barricade, Whistle and Shriek were the only ones left. They were just about to leave when the lights cut out and Faelan whimpered clutching at the arm of Jazz's holoform, stupid horror movie!_

_Suddenly a scream pierced the silence and she heard swearing from the humans and Jazz and Barricade pushed her between them, Whistle and Shriek drew their axes and ran towards the noise. The others followed after the Weapons and jumped when Fae shrieked as something grabbed her from behind. What followed next was a lot of swearing and fighting until Epps found a light switch and illuminated the room. _

_They all glared daggers at the downed forms of Blaze, Blast and the holoforms of Mudflap and Skids._

_"What. The. Hell?" asked Barricade through gritted teeth._

_"We were only trying to surprise you," mumbled Skids._

_"Yeah! You overreacted man!" exclaimed Mudflap while Blaze and Blast both cringed away from Whistle and Shriek's furious expressions._

_"So you had to pick the night we watched a horror movie?" asked Jazz incredulously._

_"We were practising stealth tactics?" offered Blaze and Blast in unison sheepishly._

_Barricade snorted. "Considering who is here why the pit would you think that was a good idea regardless?"_

_"No stealth tactics on movie night, please?" sighed Will rubbing his forehead tiredly. "I thought I was gonna have a heart attack."_

_They all started in surprise when Fae latched herself back on to Barricade and looked up at him pleadingly. _

_"Can I stay with you tonight?"_

_He raised an eyebrow. "… Sure?"_

_"Why not with me?" asked Jazz pouting._

_"Because Barricade is a mean, scary ass mother fucker who won't hesitate to shoot first ask questions later," she explained. "And right now that's what I need to even think about going to sleep."_

_"Definitely banning stealth tactics on horror movie night," mumbled Will._

* * *

**23) Humans and Cybertronians alike watch your language around Annabelle, Prick and Poke and the Sparklings. They are young and impressionable plus their 'parents' will hunt you down.**

(Really everyone should know better.) – Will.

(To be fair this is an army base, we're not used to having minors around so much, Prick and Poke live here and we're still not used to it. Pretty sure they've already heard worse from Splitskull anyway.) – Epps.

(But it's not that hard to ask that people watch their language around the kids, we don't need Annie repeating what she's heard in school.) – Will.

(Changing the language you say in it doesn't work either because the Sparklings can understand pretty much every language and Prick and Poke know a fair few as well. Fig found that out when one of them replied to him in Spanish.) – Epps.

(I think Faelan is mainly amused, she only really hunts people down to lecture them.) – Will.

(Unless the swearing was aimed at her 'babies', then she hunts them down with the intent to harm.) – Epps.

(I think 'Hide nearly gave that guy a heart attack for swearing around Annie, tackled Sideswipe too when he didn't check if she was there first.) – Will.

(In other words always check who is in the room first, it will save you a trip to the med-bay.) – Epps.

* * *

**24) April Fool's Day is never to be celebrated on base, Ratchet threatened to go on strike.**

_"Huh, it's nearly April," mused Faelan glancing at the calendar in bemusement. A couple of the Weapons perked up and started grinning widely._

_"You know what-" started Blaze._

_"That means?" finished Blast before they turned to look at each other smiling excitedly._

_"April Fool's Day!" they cried in unison. _

_The quadruplets immediately huddled together and started whispering about what they could do this year… and how to get back at Bullseye for last year's stunt._

_"What's April Fool's day?" asked Sideswipe looking confused. _

_Everyone turned to look at him, even all the soldiers and techies in the room, but to their amazement all of the Autobots seemed confused except Jazz and Barricade who had participated the last few years while Faelan was still at school… and therefore not on base with the rest of the Autobots. But surely some of the members of N.E.S.T. had pulled some pranks over the last few years in front of them?_

_There was an outburst of noise as everyone tried to talk at once to explain what April Fool's day was, the Autobots listened while also going over the data files Jazz had just sent them from when he had researched it while living at Faelan's home. Gleeful looks dawned on the faces of Sideswipe, Bumblebee, Skids and Mudflap while some of the others were shooting horrified looks at the known pranksters, some of them looked like they were fully contemplating hiding in their rooms when April 1__st__ came round._

_"No."_

_Everyone turned to look at Ratchet in surprise._

_"No what?" asked Faelan confused._

_"No, we are not going to be celebrating April Fool's day on base," he said sternly crossing his arms._

_There was a moment of stunned silence before…_

_"What?! Why not?!"_

_"Ratchet don't be such a fun sucker!"_

_"Why the hell-"_

_"I said no."_

_"Why Ratchet?" asked Optimus calmly making the others quieten._

_"Because I will not be spending all day treating bots that get caught up in pranks," he grumbled. "And there will be injuries, there always are. I have enough work to do without a day of pranks increasing my workload, thanks you very much."_

_"Well we wanna do it," insisted Sideswipe. "So what are you gonna do about it?"_

_The medic shot him a nasty smirk. "I'll go on strike."_

_There was a shocked silence before the noise started up again._

_"Well… that's not too bad…"_

_"If it's only for one day…"_

_"There probably won't be too many injuries."_

_"Yeah he's being paranoid."_

_His smirk grew. "I'll go on strike and you'll have to go to Wheeljack for any repairs you need caused by pranks for the rest of the week."_

_As one all the bots turned to look at the inventor who was sitting in a corner quietly tinkering away at something while Faelan watched and Barricade hovered nervously nearby. As if sensing their stares Wheeljack looked up in confusion._

_"What?" The tech he was fiddling with gave an ominous beep making Wheeljack look down in alarm. "Slag."_

_"Hit the deck!" hollered Barricade sweeping Faelan up in his claws and diving away from the inventor._

_There was a BOOM and a lot of smoke, by the time it cleared Wheeljack was covered in soot and there was a small crater in the floor in front of him._

_Everyone turned back to Ratchet who was looking at Wheeljack in exasperation before noticing their stares. _

_"I wasn't joking about going on strike by the way."_

* * *

**25) Don't upgrade/modify the soldiers' weapons in any way, structure or form. No exceptions. (It was been agreed giving Faelan tips to make her own weapons does not count.)**

(This is so unfair man!) – Epps.

(Epps…) – Will.

(But it is! Faelan gets tips to make her own but the rest of us just get to watch with jealousy as she completely blows up everything in her path!) – Epps.

(Pretty sure she'd do that anyway, whether they gave her tips for her weapons or not.) – Will.

(Still uncool.) – Epps.

(You know it's so the government can't force the Autobots to hand over their weapons and reverse engineer them for mass production for the armed forces, that would decimate all our enemies and quickly make us the target of every country in the world, not mentioning the mess if another country managed to get hold of one.) – Will.

(I know, it just sucks.) – Epps.

(Hey at least we've got Faelan and the Weapons.) – Will.

(True, they tend to steamroll over our opposition with great glee when they're on the battlefield.) – Epps.

(You'd think it would make the recruits more wary around them but at least one is being sent to the med-bay a month still.) – Will.

(No survival instincts, there's no other reason for them to join this crazy squad, it just means they're also stupid enough to antagonize those lot too.) – Epps.

* * *

**26) Don't attempt to confiscate/hide/remove humans' coffee, chocolate, energy drinks, donuts etc as a joke or being serious, they won't take it well. (Only exception is if you think rule 20 is needed.)**

(That was not fun.) – Will.

(You're telling me! I can't believe Ratchet confiscated all the coffee, soldiers live off coffee!) – Epps.

(Those were a few really bad weeks, everyone was moody, tired and trigger happy.) – Will.

(… So we were all acting like Ironhide basically?) – Epps.

(… Yes.) – Will.

(The only reason we got them back at all was because Mikaela, Maggie and Faelan all had 'that time of the month' at the same time and terrorised the Autobots into giving their chocolate back.) – Epps.

(That would have been funnier if they weren't so terrifying, I don't blame the bots for giving it all back so quickly.) – Will.

(Especially when Faelan pulled out that flame thrower and threatened to barbeque them.) – Epps.

(Where did she even get that? It makes me really paranoid to know she has one.) – Will.

(I think Barricade smuggled one in for her after the last mission.) – Epps.

(… He's going to regret that one.) – Will.

* * *

**27) The excuse 'it was a dare!' to excuse behaviour or damage will not be accepted by superior officers, especially not Ratchet.**

_"Well?" asked Optimus looking stern. "What do you have to say for yourselves?"_

_There was awkward silence as Sam, Bumblebee, Mudflap, Skids and the quadruplets stood there fidgeting, none of them dared say a word. They were being stared down by Optimus, Will and Mikaela, none of whom looked very happy, at this point they were just grateful that Ratchet wasn't here as well._

_"It was only a bit of fun," mumbled Slick staring at the ground._

_"You went dumpster diving. From the roof," grit out Will glaring. They all squirmed awkwardly._

_"It was a dare!" cried Sam no longer able to tolerate the silence._

_The three of them just stared at the group in disbelief._

_"What. The. Hell," ground out Mikaela looking furious. "That is not an acceptable excuse! Arcee and Ratchet nearly had spark-attacks when they saw you jump!"_

_"Who dared you anyway?" asked Optimus suddenly looking suspicious._

_"… Fae," said Bee eventually toeing the floor sheepishly at their incredulous looks._

_"And you actually did it?!" gaped Will. "You should all know better than to go along with her crazy stunts!"_

_"Don't like backing down from a dare, especially from her," muttered Sleek as his siblings nodded._

_Silence._

_"FAELAN!"_

_"Whatever it was, I didn't do it! You have no proof!"_

_"Get here right now Faelan Amelia White!"_

_"NEVER! YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE! MWAHAHAHA!"_

_"DAMN IT, GET BACK HERE!"_

_"Why do we know so many crazy people?"_

* * *

**28) The human road laws, like speed limits, are there for a reason, please obey them for the sake of any humans riding with you and the other humans on the road.**

_Will patted Ironhide's steering wheel nervously, he was getting pretty agitated at being stuck in traffic and had been constantly complaining about how slow human vehicles were._

_"Really, we could have been back at base over an hour ago! We're taking the next turn off too, this is ridiculous!" he growled irritated._

_"No kidding, this sucks!" whined Jazz through the comm. link in the radio._

_"Sorry guys, you know the rules," said Will sympathetically. "You have to blend in which means following human road laws."_

_"It's a shame Barricade isn't here," came Faelan's voice. "We could have got through with his police sirens." Some muttering came through from Sideswipe before Faelan growled. "I heard that Sideswipe, you better run when we get back to base or me and Jazz will string you up by your pedes again."_

_Will and Epps exchanged amused looks as they continued to bicker over the radio until Ironhide roared at them to shut up and stop giving him processor ache. There was blessed silence for a few minutes and Will thought that was going to be the end of it. Until…_

_"I have an idea," purred Faelan making the other humans gulp nervously._

_"Err Fae, I don't think-" started Will._

_"No seriously," she interrupted. "There's open land running right alongside the interstate and no barriers to keep us off it, so why don't we use it as a short cut to get around all this traffic."_

_"Faelan we can't! It's against the-" said Epps._

_"Sounds good to me," rumbled Ironhide cutting him off and starting to nudge the other cars around him aside, ignoring their horns and yells of protest. "Much better," he said once he got clear and onto the desert earth._

_"We're gonna get in trouble," groaned Epps burying his face in his hands. They all perked their heads up at the sound of a loud high performance engine getting closer, they barely saw Jazz' silver form speed past through the cloud of dust he left in his trail quickly followed by Sideswipe who was whooping with glee at being able to cut loose._

_"Come on old timer, you're so slow!" cackled the silver twin as he sped past making Ironhide rock on his shocks at the drag wind he left behind._

_Will and Epps both paled as Ironhide revved his engine loudly. "'Hide no-!"_

_What followed next was a lot of screaming and swearing from the soldiers while Faelan cackled and egged the Autobots on as they raced each other back to base, all three of whom ended up in the brig once they got back for the many near collisions they'd caused not to mention blatant disregard for the rules and nearly giving the soldiers heart attacks at their driving stunts._

_"Next time you have an idea Fae, keep it to yourself!"_

_"Mwahahaha bring it bitches! You're just jealous me and Jazz totally left you guys for dust."_

_"Oh I'm gonna be sick."_

_"Dude! Not on my upholstery Epps! Get out!"_

_"Urgh…"_

_"Fucking pansies."_

* * *

**29) The Government liaison is not to be harassed, threatened or pranked in any way by anyone. (Except Faelan because it's part of her job and she has to deal with his bullshit every day).**

(Spoilsports.) – Epps.

(I agree, it's not fair that Faelan is the only one officially allowed to get back at Galloway.) – Will.

(Well… he won't come near you anyway after you parachuted him from the plane, plus the Weapons are all going to ignore this rule anyway, and Jazz, Barricade, Blackout and Sideswipe. What are the chances Ironhide will ignore it too?) – Epps.

(Pretty high, Galloway wants to stop Annie from visiting the base, says it's a security risk, which it technically is but no one will stand for it if she's banned from visiting and 'Hide will get a lot more cranky.) – Will.

(Very true, does Faelan know?) – Epps.

(Oh yeah, you know how she's been avoiding her paperwork? She finally finished it all so she could dump it all on him in one go, the pile is literally taller than she is and he has to go through it all before he can come back again.) – Will.

(So she's harassing him legally through paperwork?) – Epps.

(Said that if she had to suffer through the tediousness that is bureaucracy then she will bury him in it… that and she paid someone to slip laxatives into his fruit juice at home.) – Will.

(That girl is scary. Do I want to know?) – Epps.

(No you really don't, it just makes me paranoid that anyone in the street might be part of her network of 'friends', seriously she knows people all over the world and none of them seem normal at all, I am not discussing how many 'supernatural creatures' I have discovered are very much real since meeting her.) – Will.

(Err right… so Sam is her only normal friend?) – Epps.

(Yeah which is kinda sad, oh she also got Ghostnet to hack into his home security and set all his electronics to go haywire while he's at home, so who knows when he'll get a chance to actually look through that paperwork.) – Will.

(Scary.) – Epps.

* * *

**30) Never let Fig cook.**

_Epps sniffed the air curiously as they entered the canteen. "What is that?"_

_Will and Faelan were sniffing the air too looking confused._

_"I have no idea, is it lunch?" asked Will sounding slightly worried._

_"I have never smelt food like that before," said Faelan. "And believe me I've eaten some pretty bizarre things."_

_At that moment the kitchen door burst open and Fig came bounding out with a big grin on his face and carrying a large pot._

_"Oh no," murmured Epps turning a bit pale._

_"What?" asked Faelan confused, Will had also turned a bit pale and seemed to be looking around for the nearest exit._

_"Fig never shut up about barbequed gators when we were in Qatar," whimpered Epps eyeing the approaching pot with dread._

_"Alligator?" she asked eyeing Fig curiously. "I've never tried that before."_

_The two soldiers both shot her incredulous looks, she wasn't disgusted?_

_"Hey guys, mama sent me her recipe so here we are!" Fig cried happily slamming the pot down on the table and dragging them to sit down. _

_Will and Epps both turned green at the smell the pot was emitting and then went white when Faelan grabbed a spoon and dug out a mouthful to taste, it was with a horrified fascination that they watched her chew, testing all the flavours on her tongue before eventually swallowing._

_"It's not bad," she said with a shrug dishing up everyone a bowl. "I've certainly eaten worse things."_

_Fig beamed at her and happily started eating his own bowl while the other two exchanged nervous glances before hesitantly trying a taste, because if Faelan was eating more then surely it couldn't taste that bad._

_There was an immediate rush for the waste bin to spit it back out before they ran to the kitchen for some water to wash their mouths out. Faelan and Fig just stared after them totally unimpressed before going back to their food._

_"Uncultured, unappreciative prats. Wouldn't know good food if it hit them."_

_"Oh well, more for us."_

* * *

**Hahaha I love writting these, they're so much fun! I nearly have the next chapter finished too so there might be a new one posted fairly soon.  
**

**Hopefully I will post a new one for Soul in a Spark too sometime soon.**

**Hope you enjoyed reading.**


	4. Rules 31-40

**Hi guys sorry that it has taken me so long to update anything I just haven't had the time or inclination unfortunately. But finally here is the next ten rules that I hope you will enjoy reading, I only need to think up a few more then I have 100 and I just have to write the situations for them so if anyone has fans ideas feel free to share in the reviews!**

**Hope you enjoy reading the crazy antics of Faelan and the NEST team, have fun!**

* * *

**31) Don't tell Hound that zoo animals need rescuing, the Weapons and Faelan were entirely too gleeful to help.**

(Oh man, that was a nightmare!) – Will.

(Didn't they get into a lot of trouble over that?) – Epps.

(That's because they actually succeeded in freeing a lot of penguins, giraffes, zebras, flamingos and lemurs. We managed to get to them just as they about to free some lions.) – Will.

(Lions?! Seriously?! What were they thinking?) – Epps.

(That it would cause mass chaos and destruction. Obviously.) – Will.

(… You and Blackout have been hanging out too much man.) – Epps.

(Sorry, but the paper work to clean up that debacle was not pretty. Hound got off lightly since he's new and really didn't understand why they were in enclosures, the Weapons and Faelan however got stuck on mess hall duty for two months as well as having to help the medics with all of their paperwork for a month as punishment.) – Will.

(Ouch! No wonder they were almost literally climbing the walls when they got let back on active duty.) – Epps.

(Then we found out Faelan deliberately waited until we showed up before going for the more dangerous animals, so I guess we should be thankful for that.) – Will.

(… You do know that she and Hound persuaded Wheeljack to hide some of the lemurs in his lab right?) – Epps.

(WHAT?!) – Will.

* * *

**32) Don't encourage Faelan's ongoing bets about who will win whenever Skids and Mudflap get into a fight. It only makes things worse.**

(Really? It's bad enough that they cause mass damage when they fight anyway without people taking bets on who will win in the background.) – Will.

(Yeah, it does seem to make them more competitive.) – Epps.

(That's because they both get an ego boost over how many people are betting that each one of them will win, it just makes them more determined and we end up with a bigger mess to clean up afterwards.) – Will.

(You have to admit though, it is pretty funny watching them fight, plus the insults they try to come up with are hilarious, mainly because they're so bad at it.) – Epps.

(I think I'd be less annoyed if I didn't know that Faelan is making a fortune on these bets, I have no idea what she's planning to do with all that money.) – Will.

(Oh I do! She bought a place up in Canada, its huge! Basically she's building a safe house/retreat in case everything goes to pit with the government or we just want a holiday away from all the fighting.) – Jazz.

(… Room for any humans up there?) – Will, Epps.

(Of course! Autobots, Weapons, humans, you name it and she's probably thought of it. Perceptor has been helping her with the design and getting it built, but yeah its really expensive considering how big she wants to make it so she needs a lot of money.) – Jazz.

(… Just tell her to try to keep Skids and Mudflap's fights down to a minimum ok? They take a chunk out of N.E.S.T.'s budget every time they fight.) – Will.

(Sure, there's plenty of stuff for her to bet on, it's just that their fights come up the most often.) – Jazz.

* * *

**33) Autobots are not allowed to change their holoforms to fictional characters or nonsensical objects e.g. a talking banana.**

**"**_Erm Prime?" called Fig listening to something over the radio. _

_Lennox and Optimus both turned curiously. "Yes?"_

"_There's been a report… of two Chevys being driven by giant fruits."_

_Will blinked rapidly, "Pardon?"_

_Fig grimaced, "Yeah, one is being driven by a banana and the other by a strawberry and apparently they're leading half of Nevada's police on a car chase."_

_The two leaders stared at him in disbelief for a moment before running for the main hanger._

"_Suit up guys! The mini twins are being morons again!"_

"_Autobots roll out! Ratchet, please prepare the med-bay."_

"_Gladly."_

_XOXOXOXOX_

_Meanwhile Jazz, Barricade and Faelan were sat glued to the TV in the rec. room with all the Weapons also watching in amusement passing popcorn between them as they watched what was shaping up to be the biggest car chase in world history._

"_Damn, I didn't think they'd actually manage to pull it off," murmured Faelan as Skids pulled off a hairpin turn to avoid hitting another car._

"_I think this just proves how slagging annoying they can be when they want to," rumbled Barricade with a smirk as some of the other Autobots showed up on screen and the mini twins skidded to an abrupt halt causing a jam of police cars to build up behind them. Sneak commented gleefully that it was almost as good as the mega police car pile up in Blues Brothers 2000._

_They all watched with amusement as the twins' holoforms changed back to their normal appearances and they immediately started protesting their innocence, watching the police officers' faces as the argument continued was hilarious even when the soldiers took them aside to start giving the cover story, that just made their faces more incredulous. Their attention focused back on the Autobots when Optimus' and Ironhide's holoforms froze suddenly._

_Jazz grimaced, "Uh oh…"_

_The Weapons all started laughing outrageously as Jazz' and Barricade's comm. links and Faelan's Bluetooth piece blazed with static._

"_You three are so slagged when we get back," roared Ironhide making them wince._

"_Ratchet will be arriving to put you in the brig in a minute, I expect you to be there when we get back," stated Optimus deadly quiet._

"_YOU PIT SPAWNED GLITCHES!"_

"_Fucking run!" cried Faelan as the other two quickly collapsed down into their alt-modes letting Faelan scramble into Jazz before taking off with all the power of a solar storm._

"_GET BACK HERE YOU THREE!"_

_XOXOXOXOX_

_The other Autobots and the human soldiers with them listened amused as the comm. links were turned up full blast to let them hear Ratchet chasing the three miscreants around the base._

"_STOP RUNNING YOU MORONS!"_

"_PIT NO! DAMNED UNICRON-SENT MEDIC!"_

"_Eek! Faster Jazz!"_

"_Ah'm going as fast as Ah can! Frag it Ratchet STOP THROWING WRENCHES!"_

"_THEN STOP RUNNING AWAY GLITCHES!" Then there was a loud crash and a lot of swearing._

"_Damn it! Ow! Watch it Ratchet, delicate human here!"_

_Ratchet snorted. "You're as delicate as a Sideswipe's swords Faelan, now stop squirming!"_

"_Ah protest! This is brutality!"_

"_Shut up Jazz, maybe it'll teach you not to pull stupid stunts like this again."_

"_I am never letting you talk me into your schemes again Faelan."_

"_Can it 'Cade! It was your idea that they do it down the interstate!"_

"_ALL THREE OF YOU SHUT UP!"_

_XOXOXOXOX_

_Optimus, Ironhide and Will stared amused at the two Cybertronians and one human currently locked in the brig looking a bit worse for wear._

"_It's rude to stare," grumbled Faelan from her spot on Jazz' shoulder._

"_You wouldn't be in this state if you hadn't run from the Hatchet," said Ironhide grinning while Will snickered on his shoulder._

"_You do realise this is going in the rules," said Optimus trying not to smile._

_The three groaned. "Slag the rules!"_

* * *

**34) Don't use nicknames for any of the Autobots unless they give you one to use. This refers to Sunstreaker in particular.**

(This was- oh god- do we really have to talk about it?) – Will.

(Unfortunately yes, otherwise we will be potentially having a lot of recruits sent to the med-bay if we don't make this clear.) – Epps.

(At least it was Sam who set him off, he has experience running from homicidal mechs so at least he was able to get away before Sunstreaker caught him.) – Faelan.

(Right, Sunstreaker is ONLY to be referred to by his name… not Sunny, Sunshine, Streaker, Daffodil or any other name. Just Sunstreaker.) – Will.

(I recommend you only call him by a nickname if you have a sudden desire to compete for the 100m sprint in the Olympics, it would be great training, or if you have suddenly become suicidal. Sunstreaker really doesn't like nicknames, even Sideswipe can't get away with it without retaliation and he's his twin.) – Faelan.

(Some of the Autobots don't mind, Optimus has been called boss-bot and OP pretty often and it doesn't bother him. And we call Ironhide 'Hide a lot of the time.) – Epps.

(Just don't call Ratchet The Hatchet, it will only end in tears with him chasing you with a wrench… Don't call him Doc-bot either.) – Faelan.

(We're lucky the Autobots warned everyone right from the start about that one, having seen Ratchet throw those wrenches around I'm not keen to give him reason to seriously go after me with one.) – Epps.

(It is funny watching him chase after the Twins though when they prank him. Almost as funny as watching Sam run for it when he realised he'd called Sunstreaker Sunny, he ran screaming his head off for Bumblebee and eventually climbed up Optimus to get away.) – Faelan.

(It wouldn't have been funny if he'd got caught, Sunstreaker is enough of a sociopath to not care if he squishes him.) – Will.

(Which is why we need to make it very clear not to use nicknames.) – Epps.

* * *

**35) Getting involved in Smokescreen and Flash's betting pool is wrong, and probably rigged.**

(They are both evil geniuses.) – Epps.

(It's your own fault for getting involved in the pool.) – Will.

(You'd think some of the Autobots would know better though.) – Faelan.

(Why?) – Epps.

(Well, Smokescreen has a big reputation. Jazz told me that when they were all back on Cybertron, in the earlier stages of the war, the Autobots used to use Smokescreen's betting rings to collect information on the Decepticons because _everyone_ got in on them, even some of the Decepticon officers.) – Faelan.

(Really?) – Epps.

(Yeah, of course it's also what got him banished to a remote outpost for decades under the previous Prime, because he didn't discriminate and he used to clean out the Autobots as well as the Decepticons.) – Faelan.

(I'm surprised they didn't just kick him out.) – Epps.

(Well he _was_ taking from the Decepticons too, plus he really is an amazing psychologist and they don't have many of those, it part of the reason he always wipes everyone out in the betting pool.) – Faelan.

(Well how do you explain Flash then?) – Will.

(Well… I created all the Weapons and as such I'm like their mother and kids do inherit traits from their parents…) – Faelan.

(I feel like I should have seen that one coming.) – Will.

(Yeah, makes sense considering how badly you trash everyone in _your_ betting pools.) – Epps.

(Mwahaha! I'm so proud of my baby, he has learnt the art of conning money from morons well.) – Faelan.

(I repeat. Evil. Geniuses.) – Epps.

* * *

**36) Never mess with Red Alert's security cameras. Seriously that mech as blackmail on everyone.**

(That was mildly disturbing.) – Faelan.

(What happened?) – Epps.

(Sideswipe and Sunstreaker were trying to hijack some of the cameras for this prank they were planning, however Red Alert is such a paranoid glitch he knew immediately what they were doing. So he used his security system to zap them unconscious and got Inferno to dump them in the brig.)- Faelan.

(*Gapes* Err… that's a bit scary… what else can his security system do?) – Will.

(Trust me, you don't want to know. But anyway, me and Prowl were just passing by the brig when Red Alert proper lit into them about messing with his cameras and provided a whole list of blackmail material that he would tell everyone if they ever tried anything like that again.) – Faelan.

(Like what?) – Epps.

(Prowl didn't mind?) – Will.

(Prowl said that the little glitches deserved it and now maybe he'd get some peace and quiet to finish his reports.) – Faelan.

(That's a bit… vindictive.) – Will.

(He's one of their favourite targets. Any way it really was a long list of blackmail; a couple of pranks they never got caught for, a few embarrassing reactions Sunstreaker had to getting too dirty, when Sideswipe got drunk off his aft on High grade, oh and a few compromising positions they were in with Bluestreak, just to name a few things.) – Faelan.

(… Both of them?) – Epps.

(*Rolls eyes* They're twins, split-sparks, that means they both have the same Spark mate because they are literally two halves of the same spark. They're lucky Prowl had left though before Red Alert mentioned that, he raised Bluestreak and although he accepted them becoming Spark mates he would have not been happy to hear that.) – Faelan.

(Yikes, I don't think I want to know what Prowl is like when he's angry.) – Will.

(Yeah, there's a reason that although they like to target him for pranks they never truly piss him off, they're absolutely terrified of him. Jazz told me watching them ask Prowl for permission to court Bluestreak was one of the most hilarious things he's ever seen.) – Faelan.

(I'll bet.) – Epps.

(But yeah, Red Alert, that mech has an unbelievable amount of blackmail and it's not just restricted to the Autobots since his cameras are… well everywhere.) – Faelan.

(*Sighs* And now I'm going to be really paranoid.) – Will.

* * *

**37) Randomly running around laughing and hugging people is not allowed. It just makes Ratchet question your sanity.**

_Will and Epps froze in slightly horrified confusion at the sound of Faelan maniacally laughing._

"_What-?" Epps abruptly cut off when she appeared out of nowhere and promptly wrapped him in a hug. The two soldiers shared looks of bemusement when she suddenly swapped over to hug Will before running off still laughing._

"… _O-kay…" said Will slowly, staring off after her._

"_Has she been in the sugar again?" asked Epps frowning. Their mouths' twitched into smirks at the sound of a startled squawk as someone further down the corridor was also glomped._

"_No idea," admitted Will. "Let's go find Jazz, maybe he knows what she did this time."_

_XOXOXOXOX_

"_She didn't do anything really," Jazz told them looking amused._

"… _Then why is she randomly running around laughing and hugging people?" _

"_She was bored and thought it sounded amusing to confuse the pit out of everyone," admitted the saboteur._

_The two soldiers exchanged raised eyebrows and glanced back when Sideswipe and Sunstreaker came running in looking a bit traumatised._

"_What the fragging pit is wrong with that femme?!" screeched the golden twin._

"_Yeah, she made poor Red Alert so twitchy he's climbed up onto Inferno's helm and won't come down," Sideswipe told them. "I'd find it funny if she wasn't freaking me out so much."_

"_Running around laughing and hugging everyone still?" asked Jazz looking very amused._

"_Yes!" they cried in unison._

"_Will someone please restrain Faelan and cart her off to the med bay?" asked Prowl's voice over the intercom. "Ratchet it seriously doubting her sanity and is insisting on a psych evaluation."_

"_MWAHAHAHA! Come catch me then bitches!"_

"_People seriously need to stop announcing that kind of thing on the speakers," sighed Jazz. "All it does is give her a head start."_

_XOXOXOXOX _

"_I thought you were going to give her a psych evaluation?"_

"_Honestly… I'm scared of what the results will be."_

"_So no psych test?"_

"… _Only as a last resort if you start freaking people out again on purpose."_

* * *

**38) Avoid movies with robots in them, especially if the robots in it are evil.**

(Oh god the trauma it caused when we watched 'I Robot', so many mechs crashed, Ratchet was furious.) – Will.

(Watching the Terminator movies was just as bad, they all panicked about him being a Pretender. It took us forever to calm them all down, especially Red Alert.) – Epps.

(Oh jeez, I think his paranoia got even worse after watching that one.) – Will.

(The Weapons and Faelan just laughed at us all the bastards.) – Epps.

(Well they weren't laughing when he got the base put on lock down and we were all stuck there for a week, some of them were ready to stage an intervention and you know what Fae's interventions are like, we'd have been lucky to not get traumatised and need therapy. Again.) – Will.

(I swear that girl just lives to make everyone else's lives difficult, I'm somewhat amazed she ever manages to get her job as Autobot Ambassador done considering how much havoc she wreaks on a daily basis.) – Epps.

(Ah, Optimus actually told me that part of the reason they picked her was they were hoping it meant she would change her focus to other people, plus no one would dare try to take advantage of the Autobots with her coming to their defence.) – Will.

(Damn… that's downright underhanded, I didn't think Prime had it in him.) – Epps.

(He said if he had to deal with politics and her at the same time then he was going to at least aim her craziness at everyone else and spare himself some spark-attacks. I think she considers it payback when she then makes them watch movies like that.) – Will.

(Still, I could have done without the mass panic that resulted from that mess.) – Epps.

(Which was why she had to replace the TV when multiple bots fired at it.) – Will.

* * *

**39) Human's aren't allowed in Wheeljack's labs without supervision. Wheeljack does not count as supervision.**

_Sam and Faelan looked around curiously, Wheeljack's lab was full of interesting things, even though they didn't know what any of them did it was still fascinating to see some of the things that the Cybertronians made._

"_Oh, hello."_

_They both spun around and looked up into the face of the mech who was leaning down to look at them more closely._

_Faelan grinned and waved at him, "Hi I'm Faelan, Cybertronian Ambassador at your service."_

"_Sam Witwicky," mumbled Sam a bit nervous at the look of interest of the mech's face._

"_I am Wheeljack, engineer and inventor for the Autobots," introduced the mech helm fins flashing happily._

"_We know," said Faelan excitedly. "I've heard a lot about you from Jazz and Ratchet."_

"_Oh… was it good or bad?"_

"_Definitely good, I love explosions," she replied with a manic grin._

_Wheeljack smiled, "You do realise that's not what most of my inventions are supposed to do?"_

"_You think I care? It's still a worthy result."_

_Sam rolled his eyes and wandered away from the two who were now in deep discussion about what was the biggest explosion Wheeljack had caused, on a nearby bench there was a mass of tangled wires and components that was about half as big as he was and seemed to be half composed of various flashing lights. He leaned closer and poked it a bit before noticing a red wire that seemed to be hanging loose, glancing back to make sure the other two were still distracted he reached out and connected the wire to where it looked like it was supposed to go. He leaned back with an accomplished smile which quickly dropped when the device started beeping rapidly._

"_Frag!"_

_Wheeljack quickly scooped up both the humans and curled over them as a shield as it made one final ominous beep before shaking the ground in an explosion._

_They all looked up blearily through the smoke and realised that the explosion had thrown Wheeljack clear through the open door and they were now propped up against the opposite wall of the outside corridor. Heavy treads of feet rang out as Ratchet, Prowl and Jazz emerged from the haze and spotted the three of them._

"_Wheeljack!" shouted Ratchet looking furious already pulling out a wench to throw at the explosion prone scientist._

"_He did it!" cried Faelan and Wheeljack in unison pointing at a sheepish looking Sam._

_The other three bots stalled in shock and blinked at them for a few moments._

"_I think we'll have to ban humans from the labs without proper supervision," sighed Prowl heavily while Jazz snickered taking his charge out of Wheeljack's servo._

_Wheeljack opened his mouth to speak when Ratchet cut him off with a wrench to the helm. _

"_No 'Jack, you don't count as supervision."_

* * *

**40) Don't insult Halloween in any way, calling it childish, stupid etc. Faelan's retribution is terrifying.**

(Why does she like Halloween so much anyway?) – Epps.

(You mean apart from the fact that it's also her birthday? Well it's her favourite holiday, admittedly more for what it used to mean rather than how commercial it is now although she does enjoy that.) – Will.

(Oh, it's something to do with her ancestors on her mother's side right? They were the ones who were witches.) – Epps.

(I think it was pretty important for both sides of her family actually, her mom theorises the fact that she was born on Halloween probably had some effect on her gaining her abilities from her dad's side which are the ones to do with souls. The original name is All Hallow's Eve and it was supposed to be when the veil between the souls of the living and the dead is the thinnest allowing for communication and crossover, so I wouldn't be surprised if it did have something to do with her abilities.) – Will.

(What, did you swallow a book on the subject?) – Epps.

(Well I did do some research when she mentioned her mom's theory once because I was curious, I mean her abilities are not normal and even her brother doesn't have the ones to do with souls. But I also wanted to know why she got so hyped about it and has, quite honestly, some rather terrifying reactions when people try to trash talk the holiday.) – Will.

(*Shudders* Right… I don't want to know how she managed to make the showers all spray fake blood or how she got it to look like a poltergeist was haunting the base, that was downright creepy and some of the recruits were twitchy for weeks afterwards.) – Epps.

(I think it just goes to show how serious she was that she didn't even tell Jazz or Barricade what she was doing since I thought she always involved at least one of them.) – Will.

(She didn't?) – Epps.

(No.) – Will.

(That explains why Jazz was so freaked out by the poltergeist then, I swear he nearly jumped out of his armour the first time it happened.) – Epps.

* * *

**So I hope you enjoyed the new rules please review and let me know what you think, hopefully it won't take so long to update next time.**

**I do plan to update all my other stories but how soon that will happen I'm not sure since I've just started at college as well as working two jobs so I'm going to be pretty busy.**


	5. Rules 41-50

**Hi all! Well it's a new year and I'm a bit ashamed at how bad I've been at updating... anything unfortunately. But I have been rewatching the transformers movies and hopefully that will inspire me again, at least I'm posting another set of rules.**

**Any way, hope you enjoy them and please let me know what you think, especially since I only need to think up four more rules to have reached 100! Yay!**

**Just a note but this set of rules does contain spoilers for pairings in my Soul in a Spark stories, but considering they're what I consider canon... Meh I'm sure most people have already guessed them, and in some cases probably would have killed me if I had done differently.**

**Now please enjoy the next ten rules, we have finally reached 50, we're halfway there!**

* * *

**41) The songs 'It's a small world' and 'Song that never ends' are banned.**

_Red Alert twitched rocking back and forth in his hiding place behind Inferno, that slagging song had been stuck on repeat for the last two days! _

_The others Autobots and humans in the rec. room where all also either twitching or in the case of humans had earplugs in in an attempt to ignore 'It's a small world after all'. Lennox swore that if he took Annabelle to Disney World he was never taking her on that ride because he wouldn't be able to go near it without wanting to shoot the speakers. Blaze and Blast has abandoned the base yesterday when Jazz found out it had been them that had got the song stuck on repeat, they had literally run for the hills when Faelan had cursed them out and come at them with her flame thrower._

_Ratchet had already sent Prowl into stasis to keep him from glitching too badly, the other mechs at this point were wishing that he'd had enough mercy to do that to the rest of them and the only reason he hadn't done it to Red Alert was because the mech wouldn't let anyone but Inferno get within a few feet of him._

_Everyone perked their heads up as the base suddenly went silent._

"_Is it over?" asked Sunstreaker looking relieved, that song was driving him nuts._

_They all stayed quiet for a few more moments to make sure it really had stopped, then jumped when there was a loud shrieking sound and another song came on. Faelan groaned and started bashing her head against the table._

"_I'm going to kill those two!" she growled. "Seriously, those slaggers are dead!"_

"_What's this song?" asked Jolt frowning as he listened before blanching at the words._

"_It's the song that never ends."_

_OXOXOXOXOXO_

_Blaze and Blast watched nervously from nearby as the sound of swearing erupted from the base as the new song started playing on loop. They exchanged paranoid looks._

"_How long did we stick it on a loop for again?"_

"_Two days for this song and then another day with the two songs alternating on loop."_

"…"

"…"

"_Right, let's hitchhike to Canada!"_

"_Screw Canada, we'd be safer hiding with the Decepticons!"_

"… _Oh! Could we use it on them too? Then we can claim we were developing a new interrogation technique!"_

"_They'll want to know why we practiced it on them first!"_

"_Oh, right."_

_They both looked back at the base as the main hanger doors slammed open and Faelan stormed out carrying her flamethrower and screaming in frustration._

"_Never mind, just run!"_

* * *

**42) So is the evil overlord of darkness that is Barney.**

(Oh my god I think us humans were just as traumatised by that as the bots were.) – Epps.

(I don't even know why it was on TV, Annabelle finds it scary so it wasn't because of her.) – Will.

(No idea, but it was a bit scary to realise that even Faelan and the Weapons find it horrifying if the screams they were letting off were any indication.) – Epps.

(Yeah that was weird, can totally understand why Splitskull finally lost it though and took his axe to the screen even if it did mean we had to replace the TV again.) – Will.

(*Shudders* Smokescreen was busy for weeks after that trying to see everyone for therapy, I'm not sure if it was good or not that he'd also seen Barney and therefore completely understood what everyone's problem was.) – Epps.

(Probably fifty-fifty, I heard Ratchet had to remove all the memories of it from his processor afterwards because, and I quote: 'that slagging shit is eating away at my processor so remove it before I offline someone!') – Will.

(Ouch.) – Epps.

(Still, not as bad as what Faelan decided to do. She got Barricade to send some episodes played on a loop to the Decepticons through their own encryption so they thought it was coming from one of their scouts. We didn't realise until a week later when Megatron actually called Optimus and demanded that we 'control that pit-spawned, Unicron-sent, glitch-head of a femme and get her to stop trying to crash our processors!' I swear I've never seen Optimus laugh so hard, I nearly chocked when he told Megatron that he was just jealous because she was more evil and more effective about it than he was.) – Will.

(I've said it before and I'll say it again: that girl is insane and I'm so glad she's on our side.) – Epps.

* * *

**43) Wheeljack and Faelan are not allowed to be left alone without supervision EVER. Ideally they never should have met but we can't do anything about that. (The Weapons do not count as supervision.)**

(That was- yeah…) – Will.

(Those two are insane, it's no wonder Red Alert has a panic attack every time they both disappear, because the odds are that they'll be somewhere together and about to cause mayhem.) – Epps.

(I now totally understand why although Wheeljack is his Spark mate, Ratchet nearly went apoplectic at the thought of him meeting Faelan.) – Will.

(Yeah, can't even ask the Weapons to keep an eye on them because they just encourage them. And Barricade refuses to be left alone with the two of them anymore, something about watching too many mad scientist movies.) – Epps.

(Yeah that would give me nightmares too, but you know it's bad when Jazz actually installed a locator on Faelan so he could make sure he knows when the two of them are alone together.) – Will.

(Is that why he came running past in a panic the other day?) – Epps.

(Considering the labs blew up again for the fourth time this month and we're only in the first week, yes. Personally I think Fae is fudging the budget so we can afford to repair all the explosions, I'm not sure where the funds are coming from otherwise.) – Will.

(Her betting ring?) – Epps.

(Maybe, and although the thought of what they get up to together terrifies me, the look on the faces' of the 'bots when they realised that Faelan and Wheeljack had become best friends was hilarious.) – Will.

(Hahaha! Most of them looked like they wanted to barricade themselves in the rec. room, I think Blackout and Barricade seriously debated rejoining the Decepticons before realising that they'd then have to face the two of them in battle.) – Epps.

(That explains why last time the two of them where on the battlefield together the bots all let them go first and stayed well away, it says a lot about Wheeljack's reputation and the one Faelan is gaining that the Cons nearly ran when they saw them on the battlefield together.) – Will.

(Sideswipe told me that he once sent a balloon that said 'property of Wheeljack' on the side of it into Con territory and nearly offlined laughing when they all panicked and ran away even though it didn't do anything… well he thought it didn't do anything until it burst and released this goo that short circuited them all.) – Epps.

(Add Faelan and it's no wonder Ratchet nearly asked Wheeljack not to land on Earth.) – Will.

* * *

**44) Never challenge Murphy's law. Seriously, we get into enough bad situations without making them worse.**

(Really?! What idiot did that? Even Fae knows better than to challenge Murphy's law and she creates half of the chaos on base just because she's bored!) – Will.

(New recruits, did you really expect it to be anyone else? The rest of us are experienced enough with the insanity that goes on around here to not even dare test fate.) – Epps.

(Yeah but most of that is limited to on base, those morons did it right in the middle of the battlefield! They were just lucky Splitskull and Cutthroat showed up and tore that mech to pieces.) – Will.

(… Doesn't it ever worry you how easily they manage to do that to huge mechanical beings?) – Epps.

(I'm determined never to think about it too closely, it'll make me too paranoid to be in the same room as them otherwise.) – Will.

* * *

**45) Don't make inappropriate comments about Spark mates, it a big deal and very private. Also see rule 17.**

(Seriously?! Don't people learn at all?! What made them think that after the hell that gets dished out when its Dragon and Phoenix, that comments on Spark mates was acceptable?!) – Will.

(I've said it before and I'll say it again: no survival instincts, it's the only reason people are crazy enough to join, it just also means that unfortunately they're stupid enough to do things like this too.) – Epps.

(I mean I can understand why he was so upset… but I've never seen Jazz that mad before, it took Optimus and Ironhide to hold him back and he's like half their size!) – Will.

(Not that it did any good because Faelan creamed the guy while Barricade blocked the door so we couldn't get to them.) – Epps.

(Well he did sorta deserve it…) – Will.

(I take it Jazz has a Spark mate then, considering how furious he was?) – Epps.

(Yeah, it's Prowl, you know the new guy with a police car alt mode who's quite strict? Apparently no one else knew either until he showed up on Earth, everyone knew they were really good friends but that was all they thought it was. Totally took them by surprise when they found out even though they'd all been betting on when they'd get together. Well… everyone except Faelan and Barricade.) – Will.

(Why those two? Although, I suppose they are pretty close to Jazz… but Barricade was a Con and he's only known Faelan a few years, how come they knew?) – Epps.

(Jazz told Faelan to help explain why he was so supportive of her accepting Barricade changing sides.) – Will.

(Huh?) – Epps.

(*Rolls eyes* Barricade is Prowl's younger brother, ergo with a family bond he always knew they were Spark mates yet never gave the information away to the Decepticons, so they always hoped he'd switch sides one day because he obviously still cared.) – Will.

(Wow… and Jazz and Prowl have been separated for ages because of the war right? No wonder he was pissed off.) – Epps.

(Yep, to make it even scarier remember that Jazz is head of their Special Ops, he is one mech you never want to piss off because we'll never find the body.) – Will.

(Ok… note to self: stay on his good side.) – Epps.

(Just to try to avoid issues, of the Cybertronians here the spark mates are: Prowl and Jazz, Ratchet and Wheeljack, Sunstreaker, Bluestreak and Sideswipe, Hound and Mirage, Red Alert and Inferno, Arcee has a spark mate too he just isn't here yet.) – Faelan.

* * *

**46) Permanent markers are banned.**

(That was funny, they didn't need to ban them.) – Epps.

(It really was, besides it was Sideswipe's fault for falling asleep during the meeting anyway. He should know better than to fall asleep around Faelan or Jazz, doing it around both of them is just asking for something to happen.) – Will.

(Although I'm not sure I want to know why she was carrying permanent markers around with her… not unless she was already planning a prank anyway.) – Epps.

(Probably, I just found it funny that everyone starting giving her suggestions on what to draw on Sideswipe, I really wasn't expecting that.) – Will.

(Ratchet seemed to have great fun with that, so did Prowl actually, he was scarily eager to give suggestions.) – Epps.

(Eh, that's because he likes taking any chance for payback that he can, he's fed up of Sideswipe and Sunstreaker making him crash all the time. I thought it hilarious that Optimus literally turned a blind eye and then commed Jazz with his suggestions, 'Hide couldn't stop laughing.) – Will.

(I don't think anyone wasn't laughing when Sideswipe woke up and walked out of the room without realising what Faelan had done. Plus he only noticed in the end because Sunstreaker asked what the hell he'd done to his paint job. I honestly thought it was a girl screaming with the pitch he was at.) – Epps.

(Don't let Faelan hear that, she'll take offense.) – Will.

(But it was really high pitched! Plus I thought Sunstreaker was the one obsessed with his appearance, not Sideswipe.) – Epps.

(Apparently Sideswipe has his moments too. I think the only reason they're really banning permanent markers is to stop Sideswipe getting his own back on all of them.) – Will.

(Since when does banning something stop anyone on this base of lunatics?) – Epps.

* * *

**47) Don't send the Evil Overlord list to Megatron and highlight where he failed.**

_Megatron frowned when a message popped up on his HUD saying that he had received an email. Who could possibly be sending him emails, had to be another Cybertronian… or a human with Cybertronian connections. He growled getting a very bad feeling about this and cautiously opened the message._

'_Dear Megs,' he twitched, there was only one person who dared call him Megs. 'So I was exploring the wonders of the internet the other day when I came across something that might interest you. And I mean, I know you're not supposed to help your enemy,' what? 'but honestly, fighting your Decepticons is becoming a bit boring what with us beating them every time.' He twitched again with annoyance, as if it was his fault they were so pathetic? 'But this list I found might help you with where you're going wrong in your plans for world domination… or it might just make fighting your minions more interesting, I don't really care as long as I get a decent challenge. Some things on the list aren't relevant to you but it's a really long list and I was helpful and highlighted the ones you've failed at so you can improve. Enjoy.'_

_His twitch became more pronounced as he read the list, a list titled 'The original top 100 things I'd do if I ever became an evil overlord' followed by 'The additional 131 things I'd do if I ever became an evil overlord'._

_He sat there in silence for a bit longer before…_

"_Soundwave! Get me a communication link up to Prime NOW!"_

_OXOXOXOXOXO _

_Blackout sat stiffly at the communications station before turning around. "Prime?"_

_Optimus looked up from where he, Ironhide, Prowl and Lennox were discussing the last battle._

"_Yes Blackout? Is something wrong?"_

"_Erm… I'm getting a communication request from Soundwave," he said hesitantly not sure what to make of the renown Decepticon third in command _asking _to set up a link._

"_What?" said Prowl sharply walking over to the ex-con to stare at the screen, the others followed with Ironhide giving Will a lift._

"_It's definitely Soundwave," replied Blackout sounding bewildered. "I just can't think why he'd want to talk and not just hack us."_

_Optimus frowned thoughtfully. "Hmm, confirm his request." At everyone's incredulous looks he shrugged. "I'm curious and Blackout is right, he could easily hack us if he wanted to." _

_Everyone grimaced as Megatron's image appeared on the screen and he looked furious._

"_Megatron."_

"_Prime." They stared for a few seconds as the Decepticon leader seemed to seethe for a moment before calming himself._

"_Why did you request a communication?" asked Optimus starting to feel a sense of dread building._

_His brother growled. "Because that glitch head of a femme you lot call your ambassador sent me a message."_

"_Faelan sent…" trailed off Prowl before sighing heavily and looking like he wanted to bash his helm in._

"_May we ask what she sent you?" asked Optimus warily. _

_Megatron grimaced and sent the data file containing the message and attached lists._

_They all stared at it in silence for a moment before Will couldn't contain his sniggers anymore and burst out laughing, gripping Ironhide's armour to stop himself falling._

"_Only Fae would do that," he gasped between laughter. Ironhide, Blackout and Optimus also looked amused while Prowl looked up as if to ask Primus why._

"_Control that fragging nut case of yours Prime or I'll take some of these… rules, under advisement and just shoot her next time I see her instead of trying to preserve her gift," shouted the warlord before cancelling the connection._

_Will laughed even harder and eagerly spun around when the door opened and Jazz walked in carrying said 'fragging nut case'. "Fae!"_

_She blinked in surprise at how eager he was to see her. "… Yes?"_

"_I can't believe you sent the evil overlord list to Megatron!"_

_A smirk split her face while Jazz sniggered. "I thought it might make the battles more interesting, of course it might also make life more interesting at the Decepticon base," she said slyly._

"_Why?" asked Prowl dreading what else she had done._

"_Well, have you read some of those rules? Plus I also sent it to Starscream." She smile grew at their incredulous looks. "He's always trying to take over as leader I thought he might appreciate some help."_

_Ironhide and Blackout also burst out laughing at that comment and even Prowl looked amused._

"_Please don't do it again," asked Optimus smiling. "It only makes him want to kill you more."_

"_But you do agree he could use the help?"_

_Everyone walking past the communications room gave it a wide berth at the laughter coming from inside as they continued reading the list and tried to imagine Megatron carrying them out._

* * *

**48) Don't mess with Ironhide's cannons. **

_Everyone on the battlefield turned in stunned silence as an explosion of confetti came out of one of Ironhide's cannons into Ramjet's face. Ironhide rallied admirably and turned his other cannon on the mech, only for a jet of bright pink paint to explode out completely covering the stupefied jet-former._

_There was dead silence for a few seconds before Faelan, Blaze and Blast started sniggering and turned their backs to try cover up their laughter. The weapon specialist eyed them with narrow optics before growling._

"_You three are so slagging dead!" he roared turning away from the still shell shocked Ramjet and chasing after the three miscreants who had turned tail and run towards the Decepticons in an attempt to divert his attention to another target. Of course seeing the angry black mech charging at them the Decepticons panicked and started opening fire again._

_Faelan giggled from her spot behind Soundwave's pede, to be fair they had planned for that to happen in skirmish practice, it wasn't their fault they got an emergency call and ended up in battle. She squeaked in surprise when Soundwave suddenly grabbed the back of her body armour and lifted her up into the air to dangle in front of his face, to her glee the usually emotionless mech seemed amused with her stunt._

"_Return to the Autobots; Decepticons will retreat." _

_She blinked in surprise and nodded noticing that most of the Autobots were watching their interaction nervously, after all if Soundwave tried something none of them would be able to get to her in time. Faelan nodded in thanks as he set her back down and grabbed Blaze and Blast dragging them back over to the Autobots while Inferno and Optimus went to sit on Ironhide._

_OXOXOXOXOXO _

_It wasn't until they had got back to base and she was checking her emails that Faelan realised why Soundwave had looked amused. She opened an email from 'SatelliteStar' and seeing that it contained a video file pressed play. She watched with awed delight as it played an absolutely perfect capture of Ironhide and Ramjet's reactions when Ironhide had fired his cannons._

_She cackled and immediately sent it to everyone on base after sending a reply to 'SatelliteStar'. _

'_Thanks for the video, it was perfect. Here are some of mine in exchange, it's been great doing business with you.'_

_She had sent him videos of when she called Starscream a dorito, when she and Wheeljack flooded the base with coke and mentos and the time she had described human sex in great detail to a disgusted and horrified Sunstreaker and Sideswipe._

_A loud roar echoed through the base making her snigger and climb up through the ventilation in her office, now she just needed to stay out of sight until Ironhide had calmed down._

* * *

**49) Do not try to make Prowl crash, Jazz, Faelan and Barricade will take great glee in making you pay.**

(Ok, didn't they learn after Jazz got mega pissed off about the Spark mates comment?) – Will.

(To be fair some of those times he crashed were accidents, especially in the beginning when we didn't know what would make him crash.) – Epps.

(Yeah but now some people are doing it on purpose- they've almost turned it into a sport! Sideswipe and Sunstreaker are not helping because they seem to know some of the best ways to make him crash.) – Will.

(Well they have stopped now. Faelan got Ratchet to lock them in their holoforms and dragged them off somewhere to 'talk'. I don't know what she did to them but the way they were cowering away from her afterwards scares me slightly.) – Epps.

(They should have known better, besides Jazz and Barricade were threatening to dismantle their limbs and lock them in a room with 'It's a small world' playing on repeat for a few days.) – Will.

(… Those three terrify me when they start plotting together, even Optimus looks like he wants to run the other way when they do that.) – Epps.

(Well they're going to carry on doing it until people get the message not to make Prowl crash, Ratchet is even going to overlook the damage they're doing because he's really angry about having to fix up Prowl all the time. That and it comes under the rule that he doesn't treat stupidity.) – Will.

(So… they've been given free range then?) – Epps.

(Pretty much.) – Will.

(Crap. The med bay is going to be full again isn't it?) – Epps.

* * *

**50) Prowl, Jazz and Faelan plotting together is horrifying and a fate worse than death. Do NOT ever encourage anything that will make this happen.**

_Everyone in the main hanger looked up in confusion as Barricade, Blackout and the Sparklings all peeled into the hanger._

"_Come on guys! Move, move, move!" yelled Barricade as Dragon, Phoenix, Prick, Poke and Nightstrike all piled into his alt mode as the doors popped open._

"_What's going on?" asked Will exchanging a confused look with Ironhide as they watched._

_Nightclaw and Whitefang turned into their motorbike alt modes and were promptly mounted by Pyro and Avalanche who immediately gunned out of the hanger in the direction of the gate quickly followed by Flash on Heatsurge. Titan quickly lowered his back seats and allowed Shockburst, Rewire, Ghostnet, Rhythm and Rapidfire to all climb in while Bullseye and Hood got in the front seats and moved to wait behind Barricade who was idling. Blackout meanwhile, was being frantically boarded by the remaining twenty Weapons before he quickly launched off into the sky._

"_What the hell?" called Will marching over to Barricade. "What is going on?!"_

_Dragon grimaced and stuck his head out of the window. "I don't know what happened exactly but… Jazz, Faelan _and _Prowl are plotting together. So we're all getting the hell out of here while we still can."_

_The remaining Autobots and humans gaped after the fleeing ex-Cons and shivered as the sound of cackling came from back down the corridor to the rec. room._

"_Oh slag."_

_OXOXOXOXOXO _

"_Is it safe to come back yet?" hailed Blackout over the comms. "I ain't stepping my pede in there if those three are still plotting."_

_Ratchet sighed deeply and grimaced at the sight of the many mechs cluttering up his med-bay, some of them were in there for damage but the majority of them were just hiding since they'd learnt that the crazy trio avoided the med-bay because even they weren't insane enough to mess up his territory._

"_Give it a few more days," he replied grumbling. "You could have given us a bit more warning you fragging glitch-heads!"_

"_Hey we barely got more warning than you!" protested Barricade. "We were just paranoid, I've spend too much time with those three not to know what they can get like, especially when all three of them get fragged off at something."_

"_Should have set them on the Decepticons," mumbled Ratchet tweaking something in Optimus' leg making him wince, even the Prime had not escaped the chaos. "Would have spared us the trauma and probably finished the war for us."_

_Blackout cackled over the comms, "Why do you think we ran so fast? Out of curiosity, what did they do?"_

"_You have a morbid curiosity," rumbled Barricade darkly making Ratchet snort._

"_I haven't actually left my med-bay since this started but judging by the state of everyone else… I think they raided Wheeljack's labs before they started." Ratchet paused as the sound of the Wreckers of all bots, ran past screaming. "Yeah the Wreckers are screaming so I don't want to know."_

"_So glad we left when we did."_

"_Yeah stop rubbing it in you pit-spawns."_

* * *

_**Mwahaha I love writing these, they're so much fun!**_

_**Any way please review and let me know what you think, and don't forget I just need four more rules to reach 100! Then I'll just have to think of the scenarios for them all.**_

_**Hope you enjoyed reading this and hopefully I will by updating Soul in a Spark soon!**_

_**See you next time!**_


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